Beyond Heart-Rending

Hari ini gue ngantor lagi ke UniSadhuGuna International College di Fatmawati setelah kemaren tiba kembali ke tanah air… (dan kerja langsung ya bo’… gue dari airport ngajar ke LaSalle langsung! ampe malem.. capek banget! sampe nulis status di Facebook kalo gue tuh spt “living zombie”…)

Di kantor ada berita senang dan ada berita kecewa… cuma ngga terlalu big deal… so it was ok.. ga lama abis meeting ama Dono dan Ariyani, Angga dateng… fun time! hehehehe.. Ga lama setelah gue nulis report tentang meeting gue di UK kemaren dan plan for next week meeting and discussion, suddenly Angga minta dipasangin lagu Vina Panduwinata.. so I opened my iTunes and play all Vina’s songs… and then “that” song played on my computer…

… I got jitter… my mood turned blue… this song remains me of my ex.. but it hasn’t been giving me a sentimental impact for the past years… besides, the last time I heard this song, I could care less about the story behind the song… for 8 years… it was just another song and not more than that…

I had to stop listening to this song for 3 years just to get over the feeling after we broke up… it was hard.. but it hasn’t been giving me much psyche impact for the last 8 years… why is it now… ???

I don’t have the same feeling of in love to him anymore… we stay as best friend and I believe we are not meant to be and the thought of me and him are far from my imagination… and why am I feeling so sad… so heart-rending.. even beyond heart-rending….

then I realize…

It wasn’t about the song of my ex and our memory… it is about the story that is happening with my present relationship with my other-half… him.. he who I married for 4 years and 10 months now…

today is his birthday.. and yet I have to tell him something that is horrible to say… something that any married couple should avoid saying…. I am broken in pieces… I have to tell him… I feel so sorry… but I cannot wait… I am going to tell him tonite….

I am beyond heart-rending…


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