what a Bad Day

Morning: 

I am sick… my eyes super red dan terus berair, antara merah dan kuning…
my body ache… ga enak badan banget…
I cough and hidung pilek tersumbat…
my head sakit banget.. antara migraine dan headache biasa…
pokoknya bener2 ga enak! 
dan akhirnya Andy bawa gue ke dokter umum di MMC, setelah gagal mencoba untuk daftar periksa di Prof. Masrin di Klinik Yurino yang ternyata semua dokter libur karena ada acara…
di MMC sepi, tadinya mo sms Dr. Poer tapi karena hari minggu, pasti beliau ga ada di RS. So, feeling so weak and ache, gue nunggu hasil darah di rumah sakit sambil duduk2 di ruang tunggu ICU (bekas “rumah” sementara gue dulu selama papa sakit) sambil nonton TV…
sejam kemudian… hasilnya, lekosit gue tinggi dan ada gejala infeksi, either di radang tenggorokan gue atau di mata… dan… kemungkinan gejala thypus… penyebab.. kecapean dan makan jajanan pinggir jalan (ini jarang gue lakukan) atau tertular virus mungkin…. ga jelas deh..
Siang:
gue plan ambil obat di Apotik Melawai, trus makan siang (gue pingin makan sup yang hangat) di some Chinese restaurant (or perhaps di Japanese called Takigawa), tapi plan berubah, Andy decide to take me to Apotik Jaya dan plan makan di Takigawa.. tapi because of some things, we went into a fight, I was really really upset at him…. and we were in a really bad situation.. so we were off to Apotik Melawai dan makan di Midori pondok Indah instead… I sort of try to get over my mad feeling…  I don’t know about his… but we started talking again and stop fighting…
Sore:
Jam 3 lewat sampe di rumah, Andy langsung pergi sama pembantu gue dan anaknya untuk belanja bulanan, gue di drop di rumah karena semakin lemes dan meriang… trus langsung tidur… kabarnya dari my maid, mereka balik jam setengah 4 lewat dan ga lama, kira-kira jam 4, Andy pergi sendiri tanpa bawa mobil atau motor utk potong rambut dan cat rambutnya yang mulai putih (di keluarganya dari muda udah beruban)
Malam:
Jam setengah 7 setelah gue sholat maghrib, gue pergi sama pembantuku, si Wati, ke supermarket karena tadi Andy tidak membeli daging dan beberapa barang yang perlu… balik-balik jam 8 and guess what, he hasn’t back home yet!!! as usual…. always gone on sunday… and back late at night… so, I lock all doors from inside at 10… simply because he has been doing this to me whether we were in a fight or not, he has been doing this and it’s hurting me… he didn’t even call, except called home twice to ask my maid about me and called again at 10, not to lock the door (I was about to sleep and my satpam wasn’t able to transfer his call to my room, so he told him)
around 10:30, he came home… buat gue, itu keterlaluan, di keluarga gue engga ada yang punya attitude seperti itu… dan ini bukan yang pertama… dia kira rumah itu terminal atau kost kost-san kali ya… lebih hebat dari jelangkung aja yang pulang pergi seenaknya… no phone calls, no sms, nothing!!! what does he do? doesn’t he suppose to know what marriage means? and tons and tons of questions running around my head… I think it’s me that is the stupid one.. letting this keep happening to myself… **sigh** 
and since we (gue dan Wati) already lock the door so he called my room from pos satpam di depan garasi and waited… at 2:00 in the morning, gue bangun, dan cek ke pak Dal, satpam gue, apakah Andy masih diluar…  pak Dal bilang dia pergi jam 12 malam untuk tidur di mesjid, again, jalan kaki…
I don’t regret myself for doing such thing to him, coz I have been crying a lot, I have been going through a lot caused by him…I know I have Allah to back me up, I have Allah to support me, I have Allah untuk tempatku mengadu… I haven’t been open up on the details of some issues I have/had with my husband di blog sampai dengan hari ini… I don’t need to be judged by others who read my blog… I just need to get it off my chest so it won’t kill me…
I am sad…
so after calling pak Dal ke post satpamnya, gue sholat Tahajud dan mengadu pada Allah… it gives me serenity….
and now, I am still awake… writing this journal while watching a Korean soap opera on my TV cable…
already then… I am going back to sleep for an unpredictable morning… my doctor told me to rest for 3 days and see what happen after those antibiotics work… so I better pay attention to that and stop feeling sad… 
God helps me please…
nite nite..

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