Opening an old journal, here’s what I read…

Text Message (SMS) from Jakarta on my cell phone on winter season in San Francisco:

(October 29th, 2000 at 7:59)
Have you ever heard Reo Speedwagon “Can’t Fight This feeling Anymore?” Thinking of you…Take Care ya…

… 9 years later…. I read this message from him, that I re-write on my journal, as we get closer again after some roller coaster ride life… and it gives me tears…. I miss him… I really really miss him and I have NEVER ever stopped loving him…

I cant fight this feeling any longer
And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I cant hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when were together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
I’m keeping you in sight
You’re a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winters night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
Its time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I’ve been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that Im following you, girl
Cause you take me to the places that alone I’d never find

And even as I wander I’m keeping you in sight
You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winters night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
Its time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore.

I love you Ndul.. always and forever…

I wonder if you’d still have this feeling inside you… I wonder if you even remember sending this to me.. I wonder if you still think of me this way…. all I know is mine still do the same..

actually… flashing back to years before… the feelings was mutual and I regret myself for losing our chances years back… I am sorry… I regret myself for denying my own feelings too… honestly, I was too afraid of losing you… somehow… I’d still hope if I can be part of you again, somehow… I can wait forever even if I have to….

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